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Gollum staring at his “stash,” which he has built up from nothing by working minimum wage for 18 months at Taco Bell while spending 65% of his income on skin care products that his co-workers and managers have mandated he apply twice daily (Gollum isn’t bitter about this, he actually agrees; as an undocumented immigrant he also has no choice, he knows, but to agree), a few minutes before ingesting all of it in an earnest effort to kill himself. Fortunately (for his co-workers, who depend on him to accomplish 95% of manual labor at Taco Bell) he will panic and call 911 and live, waking in a hospital 3.5 hours later (2.5 hours after his 911 call is posted on Gawker) with $53,208.79 in medical bills. View Larger

Gollum staring at his “stash,” which he has built up from nothing by working minimum wage for 18 months at Taco Bell while spending 65% of his income on skin care products that his co-workers and managers have mandated he apply twice daily (Gollum isn’t bitter about this, he actually agrees; as an undocumented immigrant he also has no choice, he knows, but to agree), a few minutes before ingesting all of it in an earnest effort to kill himself. Fortunately (for his co-workers, who depend on him to accomplish 95% of manual labor at Taco Bell) he will panic and call 911 and live, waking in a hospital 3.5 hours later (2.5 hours after his 911 call is posted on Gawker) with $53,208.79 in medical bills.

# WHY

Posted 3 months ago 11 notes

I had to stop and get petrol on the way to Mel’s so I went in to pay and this woman had brought a muffin up to the counter but it was expired by a day so the salesperson-thing said she could NOT sell it to her but she was very sorry so the lady picked some Mars Bars instead and was very grateful that I let her back in line and so she was really nice and then I started talking to the woman at the counter about it and she said the muffin man had been but he hadn’t taken the old muffins away for some reason and I bit my lip and then said with a grin “must be trouble on Drury Lane” and it was funny and she laughed flirtatiously and I was like lol I look so straight tonight but you not gettin’ any hun but it was ok because she was behind the petrol station counter and they’ve got that wire stuff to stop bad people getting in so I was protected in case she lunged at me’n’stuff and yeah that’s my shitty story

# why goodnight tumblr

Posted 4 months ago 16 notes